hey everyone, i'm back to italy since 2 weeks and i already need to go back to "my" japan! i know, i might sund crazy to many people who look at italy as the trip pf theyr life, but i really can't be here anymore!!! i saw all my friends again and i went at lunch at my grandma's..that was GREAT! i don't want to tell u the menu, but, trust me, it was amazing! I even see my father again, and that was my main worry..
my father is a great man, genouros, smart and....gorgeous! but he has a problem, he drinks a lot, since always, since i have memory of it, since they divorced.
Maybe this is not the best situation to tell u this, but, i think i need to tell this, to write to someone who doesn't know me, who doens't judge.
anyway, he drinks more since when the split up, or maybe this is what is good to me to think, to make him "innocent"...His brain as totaly made of alchool, so his blod, i really don't know how it can be awake and walk...he starts to drink in the morning adding some "grappa" (kind of superalchoolic sake) OR whisky to coffee for breakfast, then he goes trough an undefined number of wines and beers, rum, liquors, as so on until bedtime.. he doesn't get crazy, i think he never touched me with a finger in all my lfe and never he will but he's totally lost the touch with the real world.
it looks like he lives in a totally different dimension...
I can feel it with his questinos about thinghs happened years and years ago, for example askning me if all my child teeth fell down of if i still going at junior high.. He lives anything never happend, he decides what to accept or not, if there's something he doesn't like, he decides to don't remeber it! I'm living in japan since 2 years and still, he doesn't know why i'm there. I'm living with my man, and he doesn't want to know it, e never asked me his name, he doesn't have idea what my university degree is about...thanks god he still remebers my bitrhday!
It's hard to write all this, i don't think i ever done it before, but i hope i'm making it clear!
He never gave one cent to my mum to rise me up, they got diverced when i was 15 because he lost everything he had gambling and with horse racings... I talked to him but he's like all the others drug addicted:"I don't drink that much, what are u taliking about? i can stop anytime, i just to know why u want me to stop drinking!" That's what he used to tell me whenever i tried to understaind his mind!
guys, i'm not looking for a reson why h became like this aflter the person he was, i'm not trying to know how to help bhim because i know that's impossible to change a person, i'm just trying to find out how I CAN MAKE IT! I mean, how am i suppose to see him destroying himself like this, powerless.
i'm 10.000 Ks far from him and i'ms cared of his mind, he loves me and most of all my mom, he's not stable, he might to something bad, very bad, i'm scared for those rifles on the top of the fireplace at his home...